My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
