Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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