the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
