Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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