note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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