But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
