sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i've created a new STD.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
