I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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