dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
