I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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