When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dignity is for republicans.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize