How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
