Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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