Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
