Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
