dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
