i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
