you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
