You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
