he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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