Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
