She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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