please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
