i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
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i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?