I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
