my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND