Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
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I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
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My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck