just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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