Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
