Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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