how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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