you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
