Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
