Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
