Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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