there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
