he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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