i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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