I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
