How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
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We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize