The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
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I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
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Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Cover your peen. We're going out.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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