I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick