I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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