who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
