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ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
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