Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.