The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem