Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
