the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
