i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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