Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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