You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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