forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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