I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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