we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You have to summon your inner elephant
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I touched a dick in church today
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
