i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
send nudes
from the living room?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
