we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
