I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
