But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
