first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
