i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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