we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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