It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize