Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
