He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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