We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
