You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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