They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
