I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
