hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
