So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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