Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
