yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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