Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
