You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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