Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
