wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
