dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
bring money and cleavage
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
