first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
