What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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