This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
