i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
