my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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