I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
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i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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