Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Randomize
