why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
smell my finger.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
