clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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