i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
