I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
