I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
