I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So apparently I’m into choking now
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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