Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
