If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
