i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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