Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
