Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it's like iHOP with fire
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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