I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
