Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
