Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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