the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
