while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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