hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
