I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
