Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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